Mrs. Dise- 4 am

If you asked me before I had kids if I was ever up at 4 am, my response would probably be, “only to catch a flight.” Even then, I would take a 2-hour nap later that day or go to bed at 6pm. Nowadays, it’s become a daily routine that I am up during the dreaded 4 o’clock hour.

Most mornings, I’m in a deep sleep when I hear the faint cry of my son. His cry pulls me quickly from my dreams, and as I raise my head, I hope just once that I’ll see a 5 displayed on the bedroom clock instead of a 4. As I lay my head back down on the pillow, I pray he will go back to sleep, but his cry only gets louder. After a couple minutes of procrastinating, I somehow muster the energy to drag myself out of my comfortable, warm bed.

I stumble down the dark hallway with my eyes barely open, bumping into the walls. My yellow lab, Lucy, is usually right behind me, stumbling just the same. Lucy follows me wherever I go, especially if there’s a chance she might get fed a little earlier than normal.

I warm up my son’s bottle and quietly open his door. His room is kept dark with a dim nightlight. I take a seat in the rocking chair and start to feed him with Lucy nestled at my feet. He looks up at me and smiles, not having any idea that his mommy is so exhausted she’d much rather be buried in her pillows. He grabs hold of my hair with one hand and plays with it or sometimes pulls it while he drinks his bottle.  Every now and then, if we’re lucky, he’ll go back to sleep once he’s done, and I can race back into bed.

After months of this same routine, my body is pretty accustomed to waking up so early. I try, as hard as it is, to cherish these 4 am wake-ups.  I know soon enough these moments will pass and I’ll look back and fondly remember these early mornings spent with my son. These beautiful, quiet moments, gazing into each other’s eyes, softly smiling, while the rest of the world sleeps.